Monday, 10 June 2013

Fantastic Father's Day Ideas

It is that time of year where mums and kids all over the world show their appreciation for the wonderful dad in their life. You know the type: successful, handsome, proactive, probably wears a gillet and can often be seen cavorting on a bouncy castle. If you have a dad like this in your world there are so many ideas for gifts. Racing days, flying lessons, aftershave, expensive whiskey the list in endless.

However, what do you do when the dad in your life is shit? That's where Hapless Dad comes in. As the spiritual home of crap dads everywhere we have come up with the essential guide to Father's Day. You have to do something but let's be honest, both you and your kids think he's crap so you don't want to overdo it. Otherwise he'll get above himself and his already mediocre efforts will get even worse, if that's possible. Plus, you want a chance to get your own back for his years of chronic ineptitude.

  1. Make him breakfast in bed. Men only eat in bed in 'Sex and the City'. Try to make something which produces a lot of crumbs. This will maximise annoyance. Or even better get the kids to make it. A three year old girl's effort will be infinitely worse than yours.
  2. Get the kids to chose the presents. Only proactive dads like it when the kids choose. Kids can't get served in any of the shops that good presents live in. Fact!
  3. Arrange for a special day out with the kids. I don't think this requires any further explanation.
  4. Take him out for lunch. Nothing is more guaranteed to hit your message home than by spoiling his favourite restaurant by cramming it with miserable blokes and their odious children.
  5. Buy him a present which highlights his shortcomings. Gardening gloves, a new drill, cookery lessons, a book entitled "aren't kids just the bestest thing". Decide on the weakness you wish to focus on and choose accordingly.
  6. Buy gift vouchers. Nothing says "I can't be arsed" more than buying a gift voucher. Try to get one for somewhere he doesn't want to shop, like B and Q.
  7. Get the kids to make him a card. Dad's don't read cards anyway so a feeble effort covered in glue and a picture of your son's favourite skylander will hugely diminish the gesture.
  8. Get him 'something for the house'. Since you got married every single anniversary present has been 'something for the house'. Take it a stage further and do it for Father's Day. Choose something you've wanted for a while, like some more cushions or a complicated piece of furniture he'll have to put together.
  9. Get yourself a saucy costume or some fancy underwear. You know he wont go near you for fear of pregnancy but you can honestly say you made an effort.
  10. Arrange for him to have a day out with his dad. This is the holy grail of crap father's day presents as you get to ruin two father's days at once.

So there you have it. A veritable feast of Father's Day ideas for the woman who just wants to say, "you're shit!"

1 comment:

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