Thursday, 6 June 2013

The birth of Hapless Dad

There once was a man we’ll call husband

A man with a fantastic life

He had money and friends and abdominals (not really)

And a deliciously hot saucy wife

Then one day his wife changed the contract

She plied him with beer and wine

She said, “love, we should have a baby”

She really did think it was time

Husband was not really sure

It sounded like far too much work

But wifey was being quite fruity

So he took her to bed with a smirk

He thought he’d have got a few months worth

Of sexy times all day and night

But 32 short seconds later

A baby was well within sight

The baby was born in September

A gorgeous but noisy wee lad

He pooed and he weed and he grizzled

But on balance we were very glad

And then came the kick in the scrotum

The Wife had a glint in her eye

She said that she wanted another

And husband emitted a sigh

Husband said one child was plenty

A child we could love and protect

But wife had control of the matter

With the offer of more naughty sex

So out came the beer and vino

And costumes and undies of lace

And 32 short seconds later

The second was cooking at pace

My daughter was born in the summer

A beautiful placid wee treat

She didn’t stay placid for long though

She only stopped crying to eat

But now they are both growing bigger

As handsome and cute as can be

The gallons of sick is a memory

And life is all school and TV

So what is the end of this story?

A story of days good and bad

The husband turned into a father

And the father became Hapless Dad.


  1. This is fantastic!! it made me chuckle all the way through! x

  2. Absolutely and utterly brilliant. I bet this sums up the thoughts of Dad's everywhere! I love it. Thank you so much for linking to Prose for Thought and welcome. Hope to see you link again :) x

  3. Very cool - hope you can blog in rhyme all the way through you blogging career!

  4. Love it, very clever. It pretty much happened like that in our house, too ;)

  5. That's really good! Sounds like us actually, although we did it all a third time too :)